Issues, Issues

I have food issues.

Don't we all?

The other day I was reviewing my info packet for my upcoming adventure in health and fitness. I was also doing some research on my daily meal "replacement" shake - reading the ingredients list, etc.

A neighbor came by and asked about all the stuff I had spread about. "What's that?" she asked.

I proceeded to explain to her my plan of attack. I mentioned that losing some weight factored into that plan (albeit a secondary benefit of overall fitness and attention to health).

"Is that a concern for you?" she asked.

Truthfully, weight has never been a primary concern for me. My weight has fluctuated depending on life circumstance (I was, at one point in my adult life, a size 5 at 5'8"; metabolism like a maniac and college food will do that for you.). When I've been overweight, I notice because my clothing fits tightly, which is annoying because 1. I want to be comfortable and 2. I loathe clothes shopping.

We OWN a scale, although it's rarely pulled out. What would I do with the information anyway? "Huh. I weigh more than I did before!" "Hey, look! The numbers went down! Neat!" Purely academic.

What matters to me, though, is my level of physical activity (little to none), flexibility and mobility (again, not so much), and overall health (eating HABITS come in to play here). These are the things that SHOULD matter to EVERYONE. The time to "get in shape" is, and always has been, NOW.

Which leads me to MY issue: I don't enjoy eating.

No, really.

If left to my own devices, I FORGET to eat.

"Gee, I'd LOOOOOOVE to have THAT problem," I've heard MANY times.

Uh, nope, no, uh-uh, no way -- you would not. As my family can attest ... a person who has gone the day without eating is NOT a happy camper. Lack of nutrients turns me into a Grade-A b@#*h (ok, turns might not be the correct term --  who am I kidding? it's like alcohol ... you start out a jerk you become a loud, belligerent jerk.). It is not a weight loss plan, it's a prescription for stupid. Starving yourself (whether intentionally or not) wrecks your metabolism, messes with your blood sugar, and just all-out hoses you up. Then when you stop long enough to realize, "hey, wait, I didn't EAT anything," what are the chances you're going to make healthy, rational decisions about what to consume? spend a few extra minutes in the kitchen preparing some veggies or complex carbs? nope, you grab a bag of chips (or in my case, Wheat Thins and Marzetti's Southwestern Ranch Dip) and do the cookie-monster gobble. And then eat double at dinner before settling in to an evening of in-activity and acid re-flux.

At least, that's my tendency.

So no, the "meal replacement" shake I'm having every day, without fail, for lunch, is NOT a weight-loss solution. It's called ACTUALLY HAVING LUNCH (by drinking it! bonus! I don't have to EAT!) and reminding myself daily that I CAN and WILL make wise choices when it comes to what I put into my body.

And now cheer me on as I endeavor to make the more difficult commitment to a daily fitness routine.

No, I'm not "trying to lose weight."

Just actively .... not being stupid :) Only that doesn't make a very good slogan, does it?

Jump

Five Minute Friday: JUMP

(to play along, or read other entries, follow the link above)

GO:

Look before you leap? I've considered myself one of those folks ... who weigh the situation. Put a toe in. Carefully consider. And those are good things. Wouldn't want to go off (is the expression half-cocked? origin?). Perhaps I have some pride in this aspect of my personality.

However for the past month or so, while struggling with depression, I've chosen to JUMP into a few things, all at once, no reservations or negative self-talk, no "what ifs." Just JUMP.

1. I've chosen to jump into a Beach Body exercise and fitness plan. The pack of stuffs should arrive early next week. I've also chosen public accountability for this journey.

2. I've committed to learning to ride my bike this year; again, a public declaration. I've had folks offer to help me learn! and for that I'm grateful, although I doubt they know what they're getting into :) I'm a tough case when it comes to wheels... it's a LONG WAY DOWN when you're old!!

3. I've jumped with both feet into Early to Rise ... which is a book, a mindset, a new way to be. I've bounced after the initial jump ... sleeping in, getting up early only to fall back asleep on the couch ... but still the rewards have been many-fold and I'm encouraged by the new way of "doing my days."

4. there are a few other "private jumps" I've made or am making ... the only thing I need to say about them is that they are related to changes I know I need to make. Making my stated priorities match up with my actual days.

As I jump into this next season, which includes some physical fitness, I also hope to be able to jump ... as in get my butt into the air, with a lighter step and a bit more ease.

And also, just because it's in my head: JUMP! 21 Jump Street, Jump for My Love, and Jump Around. Some earworms for you today.

STOP.

Sometimes you just gotta talk about it

Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings. ~ Miles Franklin

That has always been a favorite quotation of mine. It rings true for so many situations ... when someone is telling you a story (maybe for the 20th time), remember - there's the telling (for the teller) and the hearing (for the hearer). Sometimes those purposes overlap, but ... when I find someone rambling about something which doesn't concern me, or downright bores me, I try to remind myself: they need to TELL someone. It's a NEED.

So the other night I sat with Ian and "rehashed" a bit of the drama which unfolded 2 years ago this week. 

I've shared with people who weren't necessarily connected to us at that time - it's new and fresh to them, so I hit the high points and stress the transformation. I've rehashed the story with people who WERE with us during the tumult*. Many have read the blog, IAN's read the blog, he's been told by me, his mom, my dad, guys at church ... pieces of what happened over those weeks. 

There is usefulness, I suppose, because he doesn't remember anything up until he was transferred to the rehab facility. The hospital part is all so vivid to me, and the rest who were there, but to him ... pretty much a blank. Although he DOES have bits and pieces of "memories" which didn't actually happen (like being CERTAIN Audrey was just down the hall, also with a breathing apparatus, hospitalized.  Or that I was visited by the CACO officer in the hallway to ... do that whole "Mrs. Maize we regret to inform you" thing. Lousy nightmares, those.)

I can't believe he doesn't remember seeing the room sideways, or when it took 4 of us to move his legs to walk into the bathroom, or getting the feeding tube and being so angry they weren't starting actual food into it... all this before he was sedated in the slightest. So I told him all about it. Again.

But not for him.

For me.

It was good to think about it again. Make it real instead of such a shadow. Did all that really happen?? Really? Has it only been two years? Did I really eat and sleep and shower at the hospital for over a week straight without leaving (with folks taking care of the kids and house that entire time)?? Was it THAT serious?

Yes.  Nod your head yes - affirm me.

I'm so happy with how far we've come. What we've OVERcome. How blessed we are, how amazing others have been to us. I don't dwell on the ugly memories.

It's just nice necessary to talk about them sometimes.

*My sincerest apologies if I've been a broken record. I really haven't meant to bore you with rehashing. Somehow when it pops into the mind, it has to come out of the mouth, to give it a name, a face, and let it gently pass by. Thank you kindly for your gracious ears.

Peek!

Just peeking in to say, I'm doing this:

National Day of UnPlugging

See ya on the flip-side.

Welcome, Fall. Hello, y'all!

It's a dream job, really.

Let me back up ... in my last post, I implied that all kinds of things were changing this fall - three in school, me with potential employment.

I applied to be the church secretary. It seemed like a natural fit; my strengths, hours during which the kids would be in school ... a church I love.

Alas, it was not meant to be.

The former librarian at the church became the new secretary. And after a bit of moping and huffing, I got over it (truly, she's a wonderful lady and doing a fabulous job!!) and found my obvious calling:

Church Librarian.

You can go ahead and picture me with the glasses in front of a stained glass window, a la Dana Carvey.  It's not too far off, although my glasses aren't pointy and I'm rarely in polyester. Oh, and I don't give folks a hard time. Well, mostly.

Anyway, it's not a paid gig, but it's a dream job nonetheless. I am tasked with single-handedly revitalizing the church library - top to bottom, from the contents of the collection to the categorization and display. Are you smiling and nodding? Can you sense how geeked out I am over this?

Isn't that SPECIAL?

Fall-y Fall Fall

And so it begins ...

Happy Almost-Fall, everyone (I know, according to the calendar, we have quite a while till it's official... but this Mamma has all the lunch box and school supplies purchased; therefore = fall.

Just an update on the Maize household for those of you DYING to know what's going on (ha).

1. Ezra goes to "big school" this year - Kindergarten. When people ask if he's "excited to go to school," he answers yes ... his eyes twinkling about all the playground time he'll be getting. Who knows what he thinks about the rest of it ... what I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall in that classroom! My little man! He's been into legos and dirt this summer, as a good boy should.

2. Audrey goes back to public school this year (after a brief hiatus of cyberschool last spring), 2nd grade. She's terribly excited at the prospect, as she has always loved school. She also gained a mouth full of metal this month by way of braces and an expander. She's finally adept at navigating non-noodle-based foods and pronouncing "th" words :) Progress.

3. Ian, the retired Navy pilot, brain cancer survivor and "stroke" survivor, has decided to mix it up in earnest. This Saturday he and Audrey will run a 5K race here in town. Go ahead, take a deep breath and read that again. We were here, and now ... we're not. Praise God.

Also in the interest of constructing an elaborate Maize Maze, Ian has been accepted to Trinity School for Ministry (aka: seminary) and will begin full-time course work in the fall. Where his Master of Divinity will lead, only God knows; what we DO know is He has been directing Ian on this path for quite some time ... it just took a few brain surgeries to bring him around to obedience ;) His call-sign is "Rev;" soon that wil be more than a military nickname.

4. Rachel: well, keeping up with the rest of the family has been some work :) I have a few other projects "in the hopper," as it were, including MOPS, various other church committees, and potential employment ... but we'll save all that for a different post!

As always, God has blessed us in amazing ways, and continues to show His patience and mercy when we crash and burn. I am humbled by His provision and this seemingly Fresh Start; I pray He blesses you in a similar way this year.

fun fact

America has 3.1% of the world’s children but buys 40% of the world’s toys.


hmm.