Throwback Time: in honor of this time in our lives, 5 years ago.

Thursday, 23 February 2006

Ian's pathology came back, and instead of a 1 or 2 tumor, it appears to be a 3 (that's out of 4).  What this means is that he will undergo chemo and radiation, and that any treatment is "not curative"; meaning it will be merely treating and hopefully preventing any further growth.  The translation there is that ... I don't know.

Basically we don't know how long we have.  That's the easiest way I can type it.

As always, keep us in your prayers.

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Saturday, 25 February 2006

Things here are going as well as to be expected.  Ian has still not written "the email" detailing the last round of news.  I imagine after that the calls and letters will start up again... which isn't a bad thing.  Just... I feel for people who don't know what to say, 'cause there isn't much to say.  And that's ok.  Sometimes just calling to not say anything works just as well as having the golden words flow.

Did we live today fully loving one another?  If tomorrow is our last, am I pleased with the way we spent our day today?  Such things to ponder.  I know the answer can't always be yes, but it sure can get closer to more yes's.  Priorities resort themselves, emotions rise and fall, and we love one another unconditionally.  The challenge is SHOWING that love, in heart-felt, tangible ways.

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Tuesday, 28 February 2006

Huh.  I have my own case manager now.  I have my very own social worker to hug and squeeze and call... Marge.

From my mom's motto calendar this am:  "Needing someone is like needing a parachute.  If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't need him again."

Pondering the amazing network of friends and family we have been blessed with.  Far away, "I know I'm all the way up/down/over here, but if there is ANYTHING I can do..."  and close by, "call me ANYTIME, I'm serious, even if you just need to get out and leave Audrey with someone..."

If you're far away, here's what you can do for me:

1. Get to know the God of the Universe, who will carry you through times like these.

2. Get your will, advanced directives, and power of attorneys taken care of.  It's NEVER TOO EARLY.  And you don't want to be in some dire circumstance, where you're hanging on to hope and joy, and going to some laywer's office to fill out who will take care of the kids if you both die.  Just do it now.  I can't stress this enough.  Mark it on your calendar each year to review it, just in case things have changed.

3. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  While this initial news hitting part is difficult, I imagine the weariness of treatments will take a greater toll on all of us.  Maybe mark your calendar several months from now to send a card, flowers, give a call, whatever.  Just check in.

4. Don't worry about knowing what to say.  "Get well" cards are perfectly acceptable for someone recovering from brain surgery, getting cancer treatments, etc.  Find a funny cartoon? clip it.  Have a favorite book, one that's changed your life?  Or one that just rocks?  Send it along or send the reccommendation (check out half.com).  Remember Rachel, Audrey and baby... we'll be struggling, too.  "Hey, how are you guys," is better than silence.  Even when I'm overwhelmed with calls and company, I still greatly appreciate the support and tangible demonstration of God's love through our network.

Today is MOPS, our meeting with the oncologist (I thought only old people saw those), then Bible study tonight.  Sometimes it IS a blessing to be busy.

Throwback Time: in honor of this time in our lives, 5 years ago.

Parts 3 and 4


Tuesday, 14 February 2006

NerveBall

I'm tense.  I'm on edge.

Audrey is crazy.  She's loving the attention, but already she's acting like a true granddaughter; trying to get away with every possible thing because Grandma Carol is here.  I'm trying to let other people take over running the show with her, but then she does something I don't want her to...

And all of this on top of the real reason I'm tense, of course.  It just doesn't come out and SAY, "this is why you're irritated with everything and everyone"; it hides and underlies everything else.

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Friday, 17 February 2006

DUH...

Oh, RIGHT.  On EDGE.  Don't fit into JEANS.  Not SLEEPING.

Yup, you may have guessed it, even before I did.  We're expecting!

Since this was ALL God's idea (I was on the pill), I have NO idea what He has up his sleeve... I don't even know how pregnant I am?!

Oh, and my husband, who had brain surgery less than 48 hours ago, comes home this afternoon.

Amen and amen.

Throwback Time: in honor of this time in our lives, 5 years ago.

Part 2:


Sunday, 12 February 2006


Clarify:  In the second tumor picture, the large, separated area at the bottom of the skull, getting closer to the neck, is NOT the tumor.  Frank is the black spot up higher.  Just to be clear.

Family here.  Ian in good spirits.  God has granted the two of us His perfect peace.  Ian's dad arrives tomorrow.  Family meeting with the surgeon on Tuesday (after golf, weather permitting).  Valentine's day night out on the town (or at least at a restaurant), while Audrey plays with the family at Chuck E Cheese.  They have NO idea what they're getting into, but I'm ok with that.  Haha.

Friends - amazing.  Church today was just more affirmation of God's design for the fellowship of the Body of Christ.  The elders did an annointing and lots of people made a point to wish their wishes to Ian and to me.  I have a fistfull of phone numbers of "if you need ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING, you CALL me" people.  And we would have certainly been innundated had we attended one of the more-attended services.  Ian was excited; he's famous and made the first line of the prayer requests in the bulletin.

I think I have at least 10 states, that I know of, in the prayer chain, as well as Iraq, Japan and France.  I have I think 8 congregations praying that I can recall; some random scrapbookers over the internet have added us to THEIR church prayer lists... the love is outpouring.

I imagine I will not likely update this until after the surgery.  Those of you who don't particularly know me, but read my blog, shall have to wait for news until I get myself back here.  But if you're really desparate for information, you can click on Allistusse or ListentoKristen in my subscriptions, and they should be able to fill you in.

The morning we found out, God had me in Psalms 5:3 (In the morning, oh Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation).  The other morning, he gave me the sweet gift of a renewed perspective on 2 Corinthians 1: 3-11: (with apologies to the inevitable copyright issues in quoting scripture from the NIV)

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ flow into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.  If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it si for your comfort, which producs in you patience endurance of hte same sufferings we suffer.  And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so you also share in our comfort." [...]

"But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.  He has delivered us from such a deadily peril, and he will deliver us.  On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers.  Then many will give thanks on our behaf for hte gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many."

Amen.

Throwback Time: in honor of this time in our lives, 5 years ago.

Today and following, a brief look at the beginning of our "C" journey, five years ago.  This February 15th marks the 5-yr anniversary of Ian's tumor removal and successful recovery.  Despite the painful, sobering stats on paper, "we" have beat the 3-5 year life expectancy odds and enter into year six.  God is GOOD.

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Friday, 10 February 2006

Wow.  So Monday I was posting that I was excited the Steelers won.

And on Tuesday we reeled at the news: Ian has a brain tumor.

It's amazing how you go along in life thinking everything is fine, and then all of a sudden it's not.

We've had a few days to digest.  Family and friends have mostly all been informed.  The more prayer the better!  We are making arrangements for family visits, Audrey care, and Ian's will and final directive.  We are keeping ourselves busy, doing things around the house we won't be able to do later, going and doing things when we feel like it, hugging.  I've had a few people say, "you sound ok?!"  How else am I gonna be?  How do I feel?  Like I should be hiding in my closet until it all goes away.  Like staring at a wall and not eating.  Like crying for hours at a time, with continually swollen eyes.  Like screaming at everything and everyone.

But the reality is, not only do none of those things achieve anything for us (and would of course make it worse), they are not necessary.  God is protecting us; he always has.  I have faith and at most times, peace.  It is convenient that Ian is the upbeat guy that he is; he makes me laugh when I'm feeling particularly melancholy.

Surgery is Wednesday.  We bid adieu to Frank around 10 am.  We get to the hospital at 6 and he won't be done with surgery probably until 4, but I think surgery should begin around 10.  So if you happen to be thinking about us Wednesday, please pray at 10.  Maybe set an alarm to do so.  You can pray for the surgeon, Tina Rodrigue's hands, for the family's peace, for God's wisdom in how to even FEEL about any of this.  And of course for a speedy recovery, pain-free post-op, etc.

I will update this post later today and include a picture or two.  Ian's brain is Fran, the tumor is Frank.  Fran is kicking Frank, the freeloading bastard, to the curb.

    

I can't help it; this last one looks like Terminator, doesn't it?  I think it's the eyes.

Foto Friday: This Moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. -SouleMama

Have You Hoard?

I started 2010 with one goal: to give away one thing, each day.

I figured I would run out of things by the fall, and then I would start giving away meals, time, gifts... that sort of thing.

Nope.  By October, I'd barely made a dent in things I wanted to clear out.  And when I put things into the giveaway bag, I wasn't conservative.  A stack of 5 books = 1.  A few items of clothing = 1.  I didn't hold onto things so I'd have something to part with the following day; I allowed myself to "work ahead" so that my purges were rewarded.  I marked my progress on Don't Break The Chain.

My initial reason for doing this was to simply declutter.  De-crapify, I call it.  Aside from benefiting me in clearing out the house, it has provided quite a learning experience.

1. I don't know how much space I (don't) have.  I figure if it's good, if I like it, if I will someday use it, I have space for it.  Not so.  I have a large house, but small closets.  I have a coat tree for my purses, but it only has 8 hooks.  
2. Variety is NOT the spice of (my) life.  I have approximately 60 necklaces (please, don't make me count!!).  Yet on any given day, you'll see me sporting one in, say, 5.  Maybe on Sundays I'll pull out another 5, but ... you can see where I'm going here.  Just because they're lovely doesn't mean I'll actually don them!
3. Less really IS more.  The fewer pairs of pants in my daughter's drawer, the more likely she is to put them away.  No tugging, cramming, wrinkling.  The more bowls I have, the higher the stack, the more difficult it is to retrieve one.  The more post-its I have.... well, I can't really see a limit to those, can you? ;)

--------------------------------and on a related note----------------------------------

I'll admit it: I am a Hoarders junkie*.

I know it's voyeurism.  I know the show is probably exploitive.  It's Fear Factor for homemakers.  (At least they offer after care.)  Still, I have my reasons.  One episode and I'm leaping off the couch, purging like a mad person.

Irony:  I have 10 books on decluttering on my shelf, as well as a few on my Kindle.  I even have one in BOTH places.  Sigh.

But in the above 365 process, I have come to see the things I have in common with (some of) the people on Hoarders.  When the psychiatrist asks the woman if she can part with one of the pretty pens she just bought, I can feel the knot in my own stomach.  When I hear them talk about things "getting out of hand" or something being "perfectly useful," I nod in understanding.

Here's what I (realized after doing the 365 Thing Challenge) hoard:

• purses and bags: it seems I've never met a tote I didn't "need".  Having just invested in some Miche, I might have soothed the Purse Beast ... at least temporarily.  
• office supplies: an inherited disease (thanks, Dad!), I cannot pass up a pretty pen.  A virgin tablet cries out "lists! organization! new thoughts! things to remember!" from the shelves.  Post-its make my heart go pitter-pat.  Three-ring binders mean I can finally get some of those stacks of papers into usable format.  But will I?  Last week a man came into the local office supply store, looked over at me and said, "Another junkie!  We can always spot each other."  Guilty as charged.
• candles:  For some reason, I tend to burn them more in the summer.  Why is that?  Anyway, candles are one of the things that cause me nervousness when I'm running low, and they can always provide a retail high because they are expendable (thus theoretically not adding to clutter) and generally inexpensive.  Most people are quite influenced by scents (smell having the strongest associative quality I believe?), so I know I'm not alone in craving a yum-smelling house.  Still, at the rate I'm burning them ... I should be set for a decade.  I'm not exaggerating.
• paper bags with handles:  *cringe*  Ok, go ahead and pick on me for this one.  The truth is, I can't IMAGINE throwing one of these out until it was torn so much it was completely unusable.  And I've been known to tape them up.  They are the handiest thing for transport and gifts and ... well, just about anything, really.  I have a stockpile of them, and if I were to frequent stores which sell them en masse I would probably snatch them up.  As it stands, I simply reuse the ones I get -- mostly from the Local Toy Store.
• magazines: as part of my "come to Jesus meeting" with myself and my cluttering habits, I gathered ALL the magazines in the house and put them all in one spot.  No catalogs, no books, just magazines. This is the result:  

That's not all of them ... since making that stack (which includes the 3 black totes full of magazines leaning on it) I have a growing pile along the wall, which, if I put them atop the basket would surely fall off.  Thus, they are over there, along the wall.

The thing about the magazines... they are the most telling of my hoarding tendencies.  I canNOT seem to let them go.  It's only because I haven't read them. That's right ... not a single one of those magazines has even had a page flipped.  When I DO read a magazine, I have no problem tearing it to pieces and recycling the rest.  But to let it go, un-devoured, into the Paper Retriever recycling bin?  Impossible.  Even though the majority of articles in those magazines amount to regurgitation; I need to turn each page before saying adieu.

• books: do I even need to elaborate on this one?  Only this: owning Far From the Madding Crowd no more makes you a reader than standing in the garage makes you a car.  Books do not impart knowledge or well-read-ness via osmosis.
• non-perishables: my sister-in-law said that after Armageddon, when she has her period, she'll know who to call.  My father-in-law gave me crap for my stockpile of Dawn detergent (it was on sale! I had coupons!)  I just don't feel comfortable not having certain items on hand.   Must. Have. Cream of Chicken Soup (I have 14 cans at the moment, yikes!).  Feel nervous without shampoo, body wash, deodorant and razors in abeyance (even though Giant Eagle AND Kmart AND Walgreens are exactly ONE MINUTE AWAY).
• scrapbooking and crafting and decoupaging and beading supplies (ohmy): this one's complicated.  Realistically, I probably have enough scrapbook supplies to scrap every single photo I own and will ever own.  I am stingy with my patterned paper (read: hoard) and judicious with my paper scraps.  I stockpile the tabby things to stick everything down ... and yet every month Mr. Ed the Mailman brings me a kit of scrapbooking supplies.  And stamps, and extra paper, and embellishments.  *swoon*  Something I am learning about myself, however;  I am super-creative, and yet the creative process is about solving a problem.  Once I've imagined the finished product in my head, the actual DOING of the thing pales.  I lose interest in accomplishing the goal.  The design lives in my head, the papers sit on the shelf, the story goes unwritten.  It takes a great deal of discipline for me to PRODUCE.  

Am I going to appear on an episode of Hoarders 20 years from now?  No.  No rotting pumpkins and cat poo will be found on my floor.  Still, I can't help but ruminate on my attachment to things, stuff, and my inability to let things go.  Why am I sharing all this with you?  I don't know; I've already given myself a stern talking-to.  Maybe you're laughing at me ... maybe you're nodding in solidarity.  In any case, there it is.  The first step is admitting you have a problem, right?

*note: 1. I am not addicted to the show.  I could stop, if I wanted to. :)

Fun Fact:  Eighty-five percent of men do not use the front opening of their underpants when they urinate.