How We Are

Tomorrow is the big day.

I’m spending today finishing up laundry and doing surgery prep ... which means I had to drink the nasty stuff and I’ll be staying close to the can all day. ‘Nuff said.

So how are we?

I’m over it. I’m ready for this to be done with. I’ve done my worrying, my planning, my preparing, my normaling.  I’d now like to be recovering and done-ing.

It’s the kids. Seriously.

Ezra asks every day if there’s any new information. He’s thoughtful and ruminates about how cancer is terrible and wants to know that once this is done all the cancer cells will be out of my body. He’s

trying to wrap his head around all of it by planning every minute down to the smallest detail. CONTROL. And snuggles; he’s wrapped in a blanket and hugging me every chance he gets.

Audrey is a bigger fish. She is an energetic, amazing teenager. She’s into lots of things, is a lot of fun, and is just OUT THERE in terms of her personality and fire. But inside ... guys, she’s really imploding. She’s SOOOO worried about me. I can’t explain how much she doesn’t give off that vibe, but it’s eating her alive. I’m so ready for this to be over, for HER sake.

 As for me, I’m plodding along. I dislike that I’m not sure what to expect in terms of recovery time, but I have to just breathe and believe that it will all be fine and even though I don’t know HOW it’s going to be, it will just BE, and we’ll get through it.

Also- there’s the hoping there are no complications and that this can be a one-and-done situation, vis a vis the C word.

Meals have been planned, rides are standing by, the house is mostly cleaned up and laundry taken care of ... so now ... we wait.