Seriously?

I will soon Konmari my left kidney. It has ceased to bring me joy.

In December, I had a raging case of sciatica. I reached out to a neurosurgeon because my leg and foot were going numb and tingly, and I know what that means (fun fact: I had back surgery at age 18. I looked up my surgeon and --sure enough-- he’s still in town, so I went back to him.). Dr. R sent me to physical therapy and pain management, hoping to head off surgery by encouraging my L5/S1 disc to go to its room and think about what it has done.

I’m intentionally burying the lead here.

Also visible on the MRI of my spine was a suspicious shadow. In the kidney area.

I was referred to a urologist. It took a month to be seen. In that month, I went down every possible google trail possible. I came up with everything from “harmless cyst that will go away on its own” to “metastases of cancer of the internal organs.”

Finally, on January 21, Dr. K gave me the news: Renal mass of the kidney. Approximately 4mm in size.

I’d read about this possibility. And I know about biopsies and cancer. With the kidneys, there is little utility in doing a biopsy, because

1. Poking a tumor can cause it to spread,
2. False negatives are a very real possibility,
3. Cancer confirmation would indicate removal anyway. 

In some cases, a kidney tumor can be removed, and the healthy kidney tissue allowed to remain. However, based on my tumor's size and location, this is not an option.

And so, probably as you are reading this, I am undergoing a scope procedure which will indicate to the surgeon of which of two cell types the mass consists:

• Transitional cell cancer (TCC) is a rare type of kidney cancer. It starts in cells called transitional cells. They make up the lining of the renal pelvis, ureters, bladder and urethra. [this will mean the surgeon must remove the kidney and some surrounding tissue/organs].
• Renal cell carcinoma (RCC) is a kidney cancer that originates in the lining of the the very small tubes in the kidney that transport urine. RCC is the most common type of kidney cancer in adults, responsible for approximately 90–95% of cases. [this surgery involves removing only the kidney and can be laparoscopic].

Armed with the results of that scope (I’ll let you go ahead and do the math on how the CAMERA gets to the KIDNEY), we’ll have our course of action and hopefully a surgery date.

The good news: When kidney cancer is discovered, it’s usually from pain and blood in the urine. By that point, depending on the type, it’s likely to have spread and to cause complications which are exacerbated by the patient’s age (usually around 60). I’m an outlier; my tumor was found early, I'm "young," it has caused no symptoms, and it is defined and contained.

The bad news: It’s the Big C, back in our home. My kids must deal with this nonsense all over again.

                                             ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As you know, I process things by writing, and so I will be back here in the near future. A few parting thoughts for today:

• Up to this point, many of you have been kept in the dark. It is of the upmost importance to me that I protect my children from panic and dread, and until I had more information, it was pointless to get into “what-ifs” and “how are yous” with anyone outside our triad. The kids need to see that Mom is fine; this is DIFFERENT than before. Over the past few weeks we’ve processed the situation as a family, working through the shock and sorrow and fear and anger with no outside influence. We’ve been honest with one another, and I think we’re all in the best possible mental place we can be. 
• There are a lot of questions about the future: the immediate -- recovery time, possible complications, etc., and the long term -- potential for recurrence, metastases, risk of other cancers, etc.. As we receive these answers, I will pass them along. No news is just that: no news.



"Take Rachel to her MRI and then out for dessert."
I love these ladies.

• I’m clueless as to what help I/we may need. I got pretty good at shining the bat signal when my hero needed assistance, but I’m not sure how this is going to look. What I CAN tell you is that I covet and appreciate your prayers, kind words, funny messages/posts, and concern for and care of my children.