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Monday, September 5, 2011

Retreat: When

When ... it was a bit ago. But you don't care about that, and neither do I, really. What matters, then, is when, in relation to life in general, I got away.

On the small, Maize timeline, and the larger, God's timing timeline. Where did my getaway fall in the grand scheme?

I may have mentioned before - I "asked" for a retreat before the "Trouble." It didn't happen, for a few reasons ... the biggest I think was my inability to communicate the urgency of my need. To an extrovert husband and two "moooooooooooooom-aged" kids ... it wasn't accepted understood. It wasn't feasible. Go away on a scrapbooking retreat weekend, sure; but don't ask to go off by yourself and do nothing for a few days. As my husband explained to me later, his thinking was, "I work hard, too, don't I deserve a vacation?" Yup. Only I have to refer to a previous post; my idea of vacation is "retreat" and not "attack a local theme park and/or ski slope."

So - we've established that I "wasn't supposed to" travel when I felt the desire to. Perhaps it wasn't yet a need... Enter: family trauma. Much stress and preoccupation. The only things that got billing were "eat, sleep, where are the kids, how is Ian today, did I send an update to everyone yet?" That routine completely filled 2-plus months. People brought food, did my laundry, fed the cat ... someone even came to clean once a month. I wouldn't really call it "allowing me to focus" on what mattered because truly, I didn't feel a lot of focus. I just WAS. Did the every day commute like it was my job ... because it was. Then ... the new normal; slow, at-home recovery. Adjusting to things with Ian home - the good and bad that comes with that. (no, I'm not ungrateful, just being honest).

So then it was August ... and it looked like a "now or never" window had appeared. Ian was comfortable doing the stairs alone. The kids weren't at school yet. The neighbors were around to help if needed.  It was hot; the perfect time to hole up inside in the AC ;)

I wanted to be gone more than 2 days; in my experience on other retreats, it takes me nearly a day to "settle in." But I didn't want to miss worship with my family. So that put us on weekdays.

Is there ever a good time to leave it all behind? Maybe. It's difficult for an overly-responsible personality to "ditch." Guilt inevitably comes. But you, dear friends, helped alleviate that guilt. You repeatedly reassured me that I "deserved" and needed a break. Thank you. Your support is incredibly important to me.

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