It's a rainy day today. I love rainy days.  (They usually cheer me up) I'm sad today, but the weather is at least matching.  no blaring brightness and "how can it be sunny out there when things are so terrible in here - the audacity of that sun!"

The hospital window is dirty; it's probably been years since they've been cleaned.  Then again, how would I know how dirty windows get downtown? Anyway, I have this giant urge to clean it, but of course it does not open.

I decided to spend some time on the computer today, to keep my hands busy and my brain ... elsewhere kinda, but also to do the "normal" thing; I like to see people's updates on facebook, talking about normal goings-on, even when sometimes I resent them at the same time. 

Ian was confused and got himself out of bed last night; I woke up to him sitting on the floor, unattached from all his wires and iv.  Bummer.  He accidentally pulled his feeding tube out this morning (it's still not installed all the way), so that had to be re-inserted. No fun.  He gurgles and half-chokes on phlem, which is so hard to listen to ... I've gotten to the point where I can tell by hearing if he's having trouble reaching his suction tube or it's just something he has to resolve on his own.  It makes me feel very callous to do nothing, but as everyone who has someone ill knows, when you can't do anything, you feel helpless.

That's all for now.